A Mothers Worst Nightmare

April 22, 2011
I don't know how to even start this post because it was such a perfect morning. I had gotten up with Jayci about 8:30 a.m. right after Dad had left to work. She was SOOO HAPPY and giggly. I just couldn't help but love on her and play with her in her room for a few minutes. After about ten minutes she was on a mission to find Ellie and torture her for awhile. For some reason it Ellie didn't start yelling at her like she usually did. She just wrestled with her and they layed on the floor for a few minutes and watched a little cartoons. I was in shock because I needed to get a few things done so I knew she was in good hands. I was up doing dishes and all I could hear was Ellie talking a hundred miles and hour and Jayci just giggling. I don't think I'll ever forget that sweet laugh and their moments together. I was done with dishes about 10. We all sat in the living room with eachother just hanging out. Jayci was playing with her toys and throwing them everywhere. I decided it was probably best to pick up everything (all her baby toys) and give the living room a good clean. So Jayci and I picked up her toys put them in a basket and carried them to her room. She loved to help me clean up and exspeically vaccum. She was always sitting where ever I vacummed so I would pretend to run her over, she would laugh and then move to another spot. It always seemed to make me 3 times as long to vacumm but I loved every second of it. Anyways after we got done cleaning up her toys we vacummed one last time together and I went to put her down for a nap because I knew she would sleep for the Osterhout kids. She would of been running a hundred miles and hour and would want to play the whole time. So I went and got her a bottle and laid her down. As I laid her down, like the previous night she took her bottle I kissed on the forehead told her I loved her sooo much and she waved that sweet wave one very last time. I enjoyed her nap I had a shower and got Ellie and I ready. One o'clock rolled around and I had to go instantly pull her out of bed, which she was still sleeping so she was just so sweet and kinda had her shy smile on not fully awake. I pulled her out. sat her on my lap and put on those new shoes just like her big sisters that I had just bought her. As soon as I put them on they were velcro and she was trying to get them off. We played back and forth slapping hands because she kept trying to get them off. She thought it was sooo funny that I kept playfully slapping her hand. After I finally got her jacket on we went out and put her in her seat and I got Ellie's coat on and then we were on our way. For some reason when I got to Kari's I explained over and over to Layne that someone needed to have her eyes on her EVERY SECOND because she was so fast. I gave her one last squeeze and kiss on the cheek and let her run and she was off and running to get up Kari's steps. I stopped one last second to watch how fast she was and crawling up those stairs and just smiled. She turned and looked at me with those big brown eyes and was off again! I walked to the van with a little sick feeling in my gut but just kept going got to the school and we were on our way to FIler to the softball game.

At the first of the second game my mother in law came running to the fence and said get your stuff we've got to get you home. I instantly pulled myself away from her and said WHAT HAPPEND... she didn't' want to tell me but gave in and said "they can't find Jayci". Right then and there at that very Moment I already knew where she was. She was being greeted in Heaven by our Gracious and Loving Father in Heaven!!!!.... I was still in shock and didn't even know how to act... I just don't have any words for the drive home... It was AWFUL!!! I had so many mixed emotions and one being "my husband is never going to forgive me...." But by the time I got to Kari's house we coudln't even drive up to the house I had to get out of the car and RUN as fast as my wobbly legs could carry me to go be with my husband. There were hundreds and hundreds of people around looking all over for her.

As I ran in the house I found my husband curled up on a bench and I just ran to him and we just hugged and cried. I don't remember much of anything else from this point on until we found ourselves in the office recieving blessings and saying many many prayers. That those hands searching would find my sweet little girl. I knew where she was I just wanted her body back... After being there for which seems like eternity. The Sheriff came in and told me it was time that they have to get the dive team out of the river it was to cold and we can't risk their safety as well... That is when I knew It was going to be the longest night of my life.

Layne and I sat in that office for hours and just wished that they could find her. We were there all alone and and we both knew that it was her time to go. As I reflect on the last month on her life I recall a day as I was watching her sleep I had this feeling that she wouldn't be around forever. Be more paitent, take more pictures, spend more time just loving her and observing everything that she did. And whatever it was I knew it had to be water. I knew because she loved it so much she would be taken as a perfect child back to our Father in Heaven. It wasn't easy to grasp but I did take my time with her and I loved her and I laughed instead of lost patience. I know in my heart it had to be someone else because it I hooked that child to me ball and chain I never lost sight of her because I knew her time was coming to an end. So the Good Lord had to put it in someone else's hands and have someone else take that burden from me. And I know that that Greg and Kari were choosen because of their strength as a family and their perfect faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and the plan of Salvation and the knowledge that families can be together FOREVER!!!! As I expressed these thoughts to Layne he just got tears in his eyes and expressed the same feelings except his has been for a few months. He said he would look in her eyes (those beautiful brown eyes) and knew she wouldnt' be with us forever. So just as I knew he knew also so in his own sweet way Our Heavenly Father started preparing us for this tragedy.

As people have come in to my life I know they have been put there for a reason. Some that have lost children of their own and me just thinking I was reaching out to comfort them and in all reality they were sent to me for this horrible time in my life. I haven't found the time or have had the courage to talk to anyone yet but their time is coming In the quiet moments at home I just need to get out and go... And will find myself in the comfort of their homes.

As Layne and I were headed out of Kari and Greg's friday night empty handed I was lost, broken, sick and comforted. We had to go home to tell our sweet Ellie that her sister is in Heaven now in ourLoving Heavenly Fathers arms. He is going to take care of her for us until we can be together again. As we held her in our arms as she cried uncontrollably I have never been more grateful for my beautiful first born daughter to fill that emptyness just a little bit. What would I ever have done with out her?! I love my daughters more than life itself and would of given anything to have one last second with Jayci but I know it had to be the way that it was. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers. I dont' know what I am going to do in those quiet moments but I will find peace.

This tradegy has given me a whole new perspective on motherhood and being a parent. Oh what am I going to do without my sweet baby Jayci....

A trip to Twin

April 21, 2011
I had gotten up early this morning to get Ellie up and out the door with Layne for pre-school. Just like every other morning Jayci was in Layne's arms and didn't want to let him go. I of course swooped her up tickled her a little bit took her to the front window and watched Daddy drive away waving like crazy. (She LOVES her Daddy). That morning I picked up a little bit again fed Jayci some breakfast and just sat with her rocking on the chair. I found it rather weird that she wanted to cuddle with me all morning and never wanted to be put down. We watched the previous day Ellen all the while clapping and cheering. (We loved to watch Ellen together. When ever they clap we clap.) So after hanging out for a few hours and destroying her room and Ellie's we got ready to go. We picked Ellie up from Pre-school and headed straight to Twin. I needed to go and get Easter stuff bought. We went to target and costco and just ran a bunch of errands until my sister got off work and joined us. I went to Once upon a Child because Jayci has GINORMOUS feet and I needed to find her some cheap shoes. It just so happend that they had some exactly like Ellies. So of course I bought them and were so excited for them to have matching shoes. I was running late so we hurried over to Kayla's apartment So i could change and drop off the girls. I left them with Kayla and they got 4-5 hours of good quality time. I am not quite sure all what they did but they were both so happy and excited when I got back and then Ellie got mad because I had to get them home and didnt' have time to dye easter eggs with Aunt Kay Kay. For some reason I felt like I needed to get home and let Layne spend some quality time with his girls before they went to bed. Jayci was the first to run in the house find her Daddy and jump in his arms, like she always did. He talked and wrestled with her a little bit and then got her jammies on. As he ws trying too she was running crazy all over the house. He finally caught her and put them on. I was trying to deal with the grouchy child as Layne and Jayci were talking a hundred miles an hour in the kitchen as he was warming up her bottle. (Not knowing that this was his last time he would ever see his sweet baby girl.) He cuddled her just a minute longer and kissed her a few extra times then normal. He layed her in her bed and told her loved her and kissed her on the forehead. She put her bottle to her mouth and sweetly waved at him with her extra hand. ( I can still picture this whole scene in my head. when ever she was put down for a nap or bed she would always sweetly wave with those cute chubby fingers. I hope for my husband that is something he never forgets and always knows that he was her favorite person in the whole entire world. She loved Ellie and I but there was just something a little sweeter with her Daddy!)

Last Pictures ever taken of our little "beast" 04/20/2011

Today was a fun day. I have no recollection of what we did all day. I'm sure it consisted of homework, cleaning, running a few errands and coming home to make dinner. I had set out chicken that afternoon so it would be thawed by the time 6 o'clock came around so I could put it in the oven. I of course was dieting at the time and was starving to death so when it was all said and done I had a few bited of the chicken. Layne came in a little early for some reason and we sat down to eat around 7:30. I had taken Jayci's cloths of because if you couldn't tell by imagining with out the noodles she was dirty and her HAIR WAS OUT OF CONTROL! So I just let her eat naked. we had noodles and bbq chicken. I had made up her very own little plate with lots of pieces of chicken and alot of noodles. First she ate all the chicken and then it was time for the noodles. I think she was saving the best for last. Well I gave her a fork and was trying to show her how to use it. She was getting frustred with me and took the fork pulled out of my hands and the noodles went flying. One landed on her head and was just dangling there and she could taste and was working so hard at sucking that noodle into her mouth but it just wasn't budging. Layne Ellie and I were laughing so hard that I could not control myself and probably worked her over because I had noodles stuck in my carpet so I was going to have to wait till the next morning to vaccum them up. I put her in the bath with Ellie for the last time ever and they played and played. It was like neither of them wanted to get out and when I tried they both threw a fit. So i let them play until they were ready and got her out and handed her over to Layne. He put her pjs on and they ran around for 1/2 and hour little two little crazies. Layne put her to bed like he did every night and I worked at getting Ellie to bed. Then we enjoyed a few hours of just "us" time.

04/16/2011

Darrington Easter Egg Hunt

Game night with Grandma and Kayla

600th Post

I cannot believe in 4 years I have blogged 600 posts. That is INSANE! I really enjoy journaling this way. It is cheaper for me and actually makes me stick with it. Ellie loves to look through the books I have printed off and seeing what she was like when she was little and I'm sure Jayci will too. Plus I love taking pictures and I need somewhere to put them all.

Ellie catching Jayci in Action

After I took those snap shots in the window I sat the camera down and Ellie apparently got ahold of it and continued taking pictures of Jayci. I love all the faces she is pulling and then getting caught SITTING ON THE DVR!!! I have proof she is always doing something she shouldn't be! (my camera must of been set on a weird setting for this round of pictures.)

Jayci's Favorite Lookout

This little girl LOVES to be outside. So last week when we woke up to snow almost every morning she resorted to pushing the stool over to the window so she could look out. (Sorry about the poor quality pictures.)

Frozen Gogurts

Didn't you know when you eat a frozen gogurt you have to wear it too!

A GREAT DAY!!!!

Yesterday morning little Miss Jayci got her tubes. We got there at 8:55 am and were home by 10 am. Seriously the fastest Dr visit I have ever had let alone surgery! Needless to say it all went well. When they brought her out to us she was a little loopy. And by loopy I mean she wanted to walk and couldn't even keep her little head up. It was quite entertaining and she was PISSED! I mean down right screaming and trying to get out of our arms to walk but she couldn't. So the pissed off cry continued on the whole way home and 10 minutes after being home I couldn't take it anymore put her in her crib and she slept for almost 4 hours. It was heaven and she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed! To add to her madness after her nap I put up all the normal baracades to keep her out of trouble and went to my room to do Zumba (LOVE IT) on the wii. When I was done Jayci was quiet and I couldn't find her. Eventually I called out enough and she answered me hiding out in Ellie's closet. I didn't think anything of it until I went to the candy drawer to get a Cadbury Egg (LOVE THEM). They were GONE and they were MINE!!!! Well, let me just tell you there were THREE of them in there and they were GONE!!! So I went and asked Ellie if she ate them and she said "no Mom but I saw Jayci with one." GREAT!!! Let's just say the little SHIT and yes I mean SHIT ate all three of them, foil and all!!!! I seriously hope that comes out and doesn't hurt her. I'm actually quite nervous about it but that is besides the point. I should probably call someone on that. Anyways after I went to investigate the situation the little beast had pushed the case of 36 waters from costco underneath the candy drawer and got what she wanted. She is seriuosly SOOO SOOO SMART... and knows to do things when I'm busy or preoccupied! (Needless to say she has had the belly ache all day today. ) So after all that I went to the school to get Emily and dropped the two little ones off with her because we had a softball game. It is a really important game and have been a little sick to my stomach just thinking about it all day. Well it started out a little rough. We were down 2-10 and figured we would try and bribe them with candy bars for a base hit. Needless to say EVERYONE got a base hit and we ended up 12-10 by the end of the inning. We scored 10 runs. At the end of the game we ended up winning 15-10 and the second game 15-5. It was an AWESOME day for a game and we took FULL advantage. We also had some serious break throughs. Chancey hit 2 homers over the fence and Daliss hit one. AMAZING!!! I'm so glad our girls make us look good! So let's just say I slept like a baby last night!

Round One on Baby #2 for Ear Tubes

I was really hoping that it wouldn't come down to this but it has. Jayci has been the worst sleeper lately. I know it's because she is in pain and always pulling at her ears. When she wakes up in the middle of the night she cry's out in pain and I feel so bad for her. We have been to the doctor back to back to back with ear infections. I really thought that we were going to pull through this with out tubes but we just can't get them under control. We have just got off antibiotics and are in the early stages of an ear infection again! I hate the thought of putting her under but know it has to be done! I just hope that this fixes the problem and we are able to have a happy baby at night and not always crying out in pain. So Wednesday morning we are headed to Rupert to get tubes. Thank goodness my Mom is coming for a few days. I can use the extra hands. She is a little on the Mama girls side so I'm predicting I won't get much done for a few days or if like Ellie she'll come out and act like nothing even happened. Here's Praying for that outcome!

Salmon Dam Drive

This years General Conference drive was to Jackpot to eat Champagne Brunch and then to Salmon Dam. It was one of my favorite drives we've had because it was all on paved roads and I got to eat as much as I wanted. Gotta love Conference drives. The girls on the other hand were NAUGHTY and NOISY! Jayci screams when she doesn't get what she wants and Ellie asks if we are there yet NON-STOP!!! Overall it was a good day and nothing SPONGE BOB on the DVD player couldn't fix.

Peanut Butter Playdough

On Saturday, after the first session of Conference I felt inspired and motivated. Not to make Peanut Butter Play dough but to be a better Mother and felt so lucky to be a stay-at-home Mom. I loved the Conference talk about the importance of Woman in the Gospel and more specifically being a Mother and being the Heart of my home! I am so grateful to be a stay at home Mom. I am so thankful that my husband is willing to work many many hours to support his girls. I know that for this time in our lives this is where I need to be and I need to be more of a "spiritual" example to my girls. I know that they don't see me pray and I don't talk to them as much as I should about people and stories from the scriptures and important people in the church.So I am going to try harder. I feel like I am doing homework or cleaning all the time and don't spend good quality time with my girls so after watching this talk I felt like I needed to start and "be" a little better. So I have been promising Ellie we would make Eatable Play dough. So I did and we had a great time. Jayci and I enjoyed eating it while Ellie mastered cutting out hearts with cookie cutters. It was so yummy and so fun. She loved it and thought I was the best Mom in the whole world. The mess is worth the smiles and loves I received when it was all said and done.

Seriously, she is the biggest CHEESE BALL ever.

Jayci is 16 Months

Jayci is quite the character as I'm sitting here right now she is in her crib kicking the wall as hard as she can laughing and talking non-stop. She is suppose to be sleeping put pounding the wall is way more fun. When she sleeps she has to have her feet sticking out the rails. I don't know what she is going to do now that I put the bumper back in to prevent her from knocking holes in the wall. She is also out of control in the morning. And by out of control I mean the happiest jumping bean I have ever seen. Layne is not a morning person so when I get her up and try to lay her in bed with us. There is no laying she is bouncing/jumping/sitting on our heads/throwing blankets off the bed and doing what ever she can to get her Dad up. She is quite the handfuls on Sunday and I'm looking forward to taking her to Nursery and dropping her off. I'm not worried about her being sad when I leave her there. I am worried about her completely beating up the other kids to get what she wants. She is determined and fights me on everything to the bitter end. She is still into everything. Her new favorite things are the plungers and toilet bowl brush. She loves to hit Ellie with them and try and brush her teeth with the toilet brush. MOST OF THE TIME I catch her before that happens but a few times I have been way to slow. SHE is QUICK! I get her out of the car or open the front door and she is GONE! I had opened the door to go and talk to a Mom who was picking up her son from tutoring and she was already past the car and almost to the road before I knew she was even outside. OH YEAH! Chasing and Chasing is all I do. And I can't ever forget how much she loves her big sister. EYEEEE!!! When Layne and I are being lazy in the morning and the girls are up Ellie heads to her room and crawls in the crib with her for a while because she is still to little to get her out. What ever Ellie does Jayci is right in step with her and usually Ellie starts to do it and Jayci knocks her out of the way and finishes. Gotta love sisters. I am so greatful for this little girl and all her spunkyness!!!