Sweet Jayci's Viewing

I had been looking forward to this day since Sunday when I got to see her for the first time. I wanted everyone to see what I saw the first time I got to look into her face. First off, Peace! I wanted everyone to know that she was happy. You could tell by that cute little smirk on her face that is exactly was what she wanted. The second thing I wanted everyone to see is that yes My Baby girl was perfect and looked like an angel. I remember vaguely a few times talking to people when they came to visit I would say "you need to go to the viewing and see how perfect she looks."

Today I can now look back and be grateful for the icy water that took my little girl. I am grateful for the way that it preserved her and kept her in perfect form. She had no bumps or bruises or any swelling. She looked absolutely like an Angel.

When it was time for the viewing to come around I wanted to get Ellie into the funeral home on our own so that we could spend one last quiet moment together as a family. Ellie had not seen her yet because I didn't know when the perfect time would be. Jeff felt like she needed to be fully dressed and looking as much like herself as possible. So around 4 o'clock we took Ellie in. Immediately she ran to her at her casket and grabbed her hand and started talking to her. After a few minutes she said "I want a chair so I can (talk or see) her better." ( I can't quite remember the exact wording.) So they went and got her a taller chair and sat it right next to the casket along with two shorter chairs for Layne and I. Ellie kept talking to her a hundred miles an hour. (And for some reason I can't remember what they talked about. I have tried and tried and prayed and prayed to remember but for those sacred moments I think Heavenly Father wants them to be left alone and I'll remember at some other time for the importance of our family. So those memories are ones that will stay with us.)

As Layne and I were sitting there crying and watching as they talked to each other Ellie would see that we had tears in our eyes, she would hop right out of the tall chair she was sitting in, go and get each of us a Kleenex and then pop right back up in her chair and not miss a beat in talking to Jayci. I can remember the warmth and peace of our Father in Heaven as my daughters communicated with each other. It was as if Jayci was sitting and laughing with Ellie just like she used to do all the time at home. I couldn't help but think that this isn't fair. That Ellie should still have her best friend right by her side and we shouldn't even be sitting in this funeral home having to let these sisters interact this way.

Ellie never shed one tear. She was so brave and knew matter of factly as she would tell Layne and I. "Don't worry Mom and Dad, Jayci's spirit is still with us and will always be in our heart." I know with out a doubt that this is true. She always tells me that we will see her again and that she is happy. I see Ellie doing things just as if she would if Jayci was sitting right next to her, pulling her hair or making silly faces. I can vaguely hear my sweet baby Jayci's laugh from a distance. It was always loud and defiantly her own.

So after about 30-45 minutes Ellie said "Mom, Dad I'll sit here and watch Jayci while you guys go out to the pickup and get her stuff. I know she isn't going to move." We laughed and said Okay. So while we were out getting the stuff we came back to the door way and watched as Ellie held her hand and talked to her and kissed her on the forehead over and over. The bond that those two little girls have is so inspiring to me. After just a few short minutes of this precious time we walked back in and Ellie says," Jayci's fine Mom she didn't even move."

We got the tables all sat up and ready for the viewing to start. Our families started trickling in. We wanted everyone to have one more quiet moment with her before the actual viewing started. I loved watching everyone kiss her gently and speak quietly in her ear. I know my family didn't know her as well as Layne's but the love is all the same. And maybe a little harder on them because they didn't' get to know her as well. But all the same both families love and miss my sweet baby girl.

At about 5:30 my family all came to me and said they were going to take Ellie and go out to eat so she wasn't starving through the whole thing so they left for awhile and came back. Thank goodness for my Mom when she got back she asked me what I wanted her to do and I said "Just be here." I needed her there for a quick squeeze and to stand close by to make sure I was okay. She is not a showy person at all and didn't want us to have to introduce her to everyone because that isn't the reason she or anyone else was there. I appreciate both of our families being there for us and supporting us in their individual ways. Layne and I were able to focus on everyone who was there for us and we were able to share OUR sweet baby with everyone one more time.

So about 5:30 is when the line started to come through. I was shocked and amazed about all the people that showed so much love and support for us. I remember looking out the door and seeing a line and wondering if it would ever end. There were SOOO many that came through I only remember a few, the whole night was a blur. It was so up and down and emotional for me that I can't help but look back on and thank everyone for the hugs and shedding tears with me because it is what got me through. I didn't want people to stand in line for ever so I felt like I kept moving down the line and hugging everyone and leaving Layne up by Jayci. He kept coming and pulling me right back to where I needed to be. I am so grateful for all the hugs and loves and mostly all the prayers that have been and are being said on our behalf. Right now, even today they are getting me through.

There was one moment that I will never forget that touched me more then words can even describe. And I'll share what I shared on facebook after that night when I got home....

It's Titled: Sweet Moments

I could not of asked for a better night. It was filled with love and heartache but also peace and tranquility. I love the innocence of little children. Some would come up to me and ask me the most blunt questions others would just shy away. But I'm so grateful for the little girl in the middle of the viewing that melted my heart. As her family was going through she tried to avoid me but I grabbed her and hugged her all the while she lost all control and broke out in complete sobs. This sweet little girl helped watch my Baby Jayci and loved her so much. As she started to cry the whole room went silent and I was able to feel my sweet girl wrap her arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay. I am so thankful for this gospel and the truth and light it brings to me during these hard hours. We are so blessed and can feel the love of the Savior in all that we are enduring right now.

The night quietly ended around 9:05 pm. Layne and I were the last ones to leave. We gathered up all our stuff and I just vaguely remember Layne leaning over and kissing Jayci on the forehead and saying "be good and don't get into to much trouble. I love you and I'll see ya tomorrow." Those are the moments I'm going to miss. Watching my sweet husband with her and how close their relationship was. As we walked out I kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her. Again walking out of the funeral home hand in hand with tears streaming down our faces still in shock over how many actually loved us enough to come and support our little family!

This is a note that Greg shared on his facebook. He was able to go in and spend time with her all by himself and this is how he felt about it all....

It was titled: Beautiful Jayci

I saw her beautiful face today for the first time since I carried her from the water. I reached for her hand her tiny fingers still curved to fit perfectly around mine just as they did Saturday morning, Friday afternoon and many times before. Her hands and fingers were still cold and I found myself again longing to give her my warmth offering one last prayer begging to bring her back. My heart swelled with the warmth and love that comes only from a Father in Heaven, His spirit again confirming the truth of our eternal nature to me. I frequently pray that my hands may act for Him, that I may do for others as He would. Tonight I pray that for just one day, just those few moments that I stand before the many friends family and loved ones who will gather tomorrow to celebrate her life my voice may be His voice and that I may speak to them as He has spoken to me.