one of those days....

Since we have told Ellie about the new baby she is beyond excited and seems to talk about it all the time.  I have had the lingering fear that she will forget about her sister. She still talks about her quite a bit but not as much as the baby.  I know that the baby is a new thing and is super exciting, for all of us. He/She will become a huge part of our lives but I just don't want Jayci to be forgotten. Over time I know the presence she carries in our home will lessen with more babies and a busier life.  But for Layne and I it is who we are, she is why we are here. And it is an EVERYDAY struggle and will be for the rest of our lives. 

But today I was humbled a bit by my sweet little 5 year old.  We went over to a friends to watch them brand cows. As the event was going on Ellie and I started visiting with one of the gals there.  As we were talking about the baby Ellie says to her. "Do you know I had a sister? Her name is Jayci and she died." The lady said she did know and that she was very sorry.  Ellie said "it's okay because she is taking care of my new baby. And I'm happy with which ever one." (meaning she is okay with a boy or a girl.) For some reason this totally caught me off guard. I couldn't stop the tears they just kept flowing.  It made me so grateful for my Ellie because she knows that her mom just needs to hear her talk about Jayci once in awhile. I need to be reminded that Ellie is hurting just as much as the rest of us. That she loves her sister and will never forget her. Even at the young age of 5 she has been through more than most adults. And her life has been altered forever.

With conference today and April starting tomorrow. Emotions are running high in our home.  The year mark is coming up and it just makes it that more real.  In four months Jayci will be gone as much as she was alive.  That does not seem possible.  It seems like she was apart of my life forever. The impact that she has left on our lives has forever changed who we are.  I miss her more and more with each passing day.  I don't know if having a baby has made it any easier or harder on us. (Don't get me wrong we are very excited.)  But we are still learning to live with out our Jayci here on earth every day. I am so grateful for the gospel and the knowledge I have to be with her again. Families are forever and that is what gets us through every minute of every day!

 

Let's Go Fly A Kite

Ellie has been dying to take her kite out and fly it. This particular day was REALLY windy.  Not even a normal windy. It was just WINDY! Layne and Jacob decided they were going to take Ellie out and fly it since she was relentless about going out and doing it they of course gave in.  I laugh because the first five minutes they were out there the kite took a dive and broke a few limbs.  Well, Layne and Jacob fixed it (as only they can) and were back out and the kite flew like a champ.  The wind was a little rough for Ellie she did pretty good by herself until a big gust came and swooped it out of her hands. 

You have to admit those two grown men out there flying a pink princess kite with Ellie was pretty dang precious! I love moments like this!

Riding Buddies

 

 

March 10, 2012

We have had the most amazing weather for March. And at my house when the weather turns nice it means Layne is pulling the motorcycle out of the shop and Ellie is BEGGING for rides.  She loves to ride with her Dad and loves to go FAST!!! I love watching them together!  It makes my heart smile. 

Darrington Drama Queen

 

 

 

 Miss Amanda was in a play and did a fabulous job. We sure got a kick out of her personality showing in the play.  She is quite the Drama Queen! Love ya!

I just love watching my cute little Ballerina.

 

 

 

 

"Mom, build me a fort please!!!"

 

When we got home from Nashville all I wanted to do was spend time with Ellie. I missed her so much while we were gone that I could hardly stand it. When I heard her voice everyday it brought tears to my eyes.  Being away from your kids for a period of time has a whole new meaning when you are actually missing one every single day and there is nothing you can do about it.  I loved when we got home she was so excited to see us. I'm so glad she had a good time with her Nana, Papa, Aunts and Uncles.  But I was beyond excited to get her home and snuggle. I prayed for a safe return the whole entire time.  I don't know if I have ever kept a more fervant prayer in my heart then I did this week that everything would turn out okay and that we were all safe. 

Party All Week (Happy Birthday To you!!!)

Part 3

The calm after the storm. SCARY!!!

 

Part 2

 

 

 

Nashville, Tennessee 2012

I have to say that I am in LOVE with a new place and it is called Nashville! I don't know what I was expecting to see when I got there but what I saw was beyond my imagination.  (Remember: we just left home where it was freezing and SNOWING.) I could of stayed there for a few more days,maybe even weeks, but who is counting. I loved the warm, spring air. The humidity wasn't all that bad either.  It was BEAUTIFUL and green. Not to mention the trees where is full bloom by the time we left and I just couldn't even take my eyes off of them to snap a picture. 

(Can you tell I had an AMAZING time.)

So these first pictures are of the airports on the way to TN.  We were fairly entertained with all of our electronics.  


These pictures I took for myself.  It was amazing to see what Jayci see's everyday. Perhaps I got a wee bit emotional a few times thinking about her as we were flying through the clouds.  I couldn't help but think of that picture when Christ is standing in the clouds.  I often think of that day when he will come again and get overly excited.  Because when that day comes I'm going to have done the best I can to be reunited as a family once again.  That is an amazing feeling.

When we got to Nashville we were welcomed by some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life.  They are known as Mark Bark and Cindy.  Also known as the Barkers.  They have been friends with Mark and Verla since they were 28 years old.  I will get more into them later but this is the homestead of Mark's parents.  It was built a long time ago. It is amazing.  I have more pictures to come of it later but I just wanted you to see how AMAZING their view is. and yes this is angles from all around the house. Including their original barn.(I thought of Kenna when I saw this barn for it would be a perfect picture taking spot!) 

The Group.  Mark and Verla were so kind to take us all on this trip.  Mark invited us about 3 months ago and I have been counting down the days since.  He invited all of his employee's and their spouses.  From left to right it is Mark Bark, Layne and I, Kevin and Janet, Mark and Verla, Adrianna and Jim, and Brant and Leslie.
We all had an amazing time.  Thank you Mark and Verla for a trip I'll never forget! (And Yes I am looking amazingly HUGE in this picture. I guess that is what having a baby does to ya!)

To be continued...

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

Happy Early Birthday Dad.
We were leaving on our trip to Nashville the 29th of February so we celebrated a few days early with ms. Ellie. We had Layne's favorite. Meatloaf and baked potato. We then sang "happy birthday" with just the two of us. Which was really hard, not for obvious reasons but the fact that we should of had one more little girl there singing to her dad. Except I know she was there. It's crazy sometimes how you can feel her near. When she wants herself known you can tell. The feelings you get are both pure joy and extreme heartache. We sure miss our sweet angel! Especially at times like these!

Happy birthday darlin! I love you more than life itself! Thanks for giving me all that I have and making me a better person! I know this year has been awful but it's bound to get better! Here's to the last few years of your twenties! Love ya bunches!!!

Pine Wood Derby

2/24/2012
The elders quarm were having a party and decided to do the derby. The day of Layne decided it was time to get his car/pickup shaped.  At one point he went out side and used the CHAING SAW to carve out his car.  By the time it was all done it looked really nice. Ellie painted it and Layne fixed it up.  We actually won a prize for most creative and we were not dead last, just second to last.  It was a good experience for Layne to make a car with Ellie!
 

 

 

Happy Valentine's Day

While we were in Las Vegas Ellie saw this puppy that walks and squeaks. She wanted it so bad but we made her choose this or something else. She was a big girl and made the decision to not buy on an impulse and wait for something else to come along. She was a little disappointed about not getting it but I was so proud of her. So Layne decided to go back and get it for her. We have hid it in the cupboard for 2 months. I was so excited to see her face when she woke up that morning. She kept saying, "Oh mom and dad you are the best." "How did you know this is exactly what I wanted." "I LOVE it!" It was so cute to watch her. She was pretty impressed with our keeping a secret after I told her how we got it. She hasn't played with it since but it sure was cute watching her with it the first 2 days.

We love you Sis. Thanks for being our "Everything!!!"

Valentine's day was a really hard day for Layne and I this year. Last year when all the valentine's stuff was on clearance I bought my girls some cards and stuffed animals. When I went down to get them for them this year I just cried. I remembered how different my life is now. I didn't want to have to go to the cemetery and take her, her Valentine. No mother should have to do that. I have learned through the accident that I am not a planner of a long period of time. I don't plan ahead because I don't want to be set up for heartbreak. It has been a super hard lesson for me to learn. And having had just bought 2 stuffed animals for them it brings back all that heartache again. Layne had a hard day because he kept telling me he should of bough three roses instead of two. He should of had one more little lady to give one too. Which tore my heart out because I know how much he misses his little Jayci. Sometimes life is so hard but we have to keep on fighting. And making it through one day at a time! Hour by hour, minute by minute.

Valentine's Day from Grandma Gayla

My mom is famously known for sending cards/packages for every holiday.  This year was no different. A week or so before the holiday even gets close Ellie starts asking "Has my package came yet?" I love how smart and observant she is when it comes to "stuff." This year was no different a day before Vatentine's day was here Ellie got her package and LOVED it.  Thanks grandma for the gift. I love seeing a smile on this little girls face. She lights up like a light bulb!
 

 

 

Happy 7th Anniversary to us

It doesn't seem possible that we have been married for seven years. It seems like just yesterday I was doing all that I could to keep him wrapped around my little finger so he would ask me to marry him. (Which really hasn't changed much only the stakes are a little more intense.) Oh yeah!
Things I know from 7 years of marriage.
*We have 2 of the worlds cutest, craziest girls! (But I am not biased.) Even though we have been separated for a time I am proud to say they are all ours for now and through all eternity. With number three on the way. Which he/she will be here before we know it and I'll have "kids" with me again! (SUPER EXCITING)
*I have gained a true testimony of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I have felt him more in the last year of my marriage then I have in my entire life. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows me and knows what I am going through. I know that I can go to him everyday and ask for help or seek guidance in all things. I know that my family is forever. I know that I get to raise my baby girl in the eternities and it will be just as real as I am living and breathing today. I know the scriptures are true and if you study them they will bless your lives. I am so very grateful for the atonement for I know that I can be forgiven for all of my sins and return to my father in heaven again.
*I am grateful that I can only count on 1 finger how many times we have been in a good fight. I laugh now because it was over a dog but at the time it was NOT FUNNY!
*I know that if Layne is having a bad day I can make one of two things and it will brighten his day Meatloaf or oatmeal raisin cookies.
*I love that Layne and I know each other well enough that but just looking at each other we can tell if one or the other is having a good or bad day. Sometimes we both have bad days and those days are hard. But if we we have bad opposite days we pull each other through.
*I love that my husband loves me enough to know when I need a friend or someone to talk to. I love when I get a random phone call from a friend and she says your husband just texted me and is worried about you.
*I love that we both have our own "things" I love my days with friends and he loves his rides with his buddies. But most importantly we love to do most everything together.

Most importantly I am grateful that I have him for time and all eternity. He makes me a better person and pushes me to always do better even if it's by reverse psychology! They say say that the 7th year of marriage is the hardest but I am here to say that nothing will ever be harder then our 6th. So hear is to a happier and healthier year. I love you Layne Darrington thanks for being my number 1!