Dressing Baby Jayci

As Layne and I were driving into the funeral home, I had some serious butterflies. I was so excited to get to see her again and maybe get the opportunity to hold our little girl one last time.

When we walked into her room, the shock consumed us again for just a second. It was still so hard to see her laying still and not moving. As I walked in I went right up to her and pulled the blanket down so we could see all of her again. Amy, Jeff's wife was there to help us get her dressed but Layne and I wanted to take a little more time watching her and sitting with her. We weren't quite ready to get her dressed so she left us and let us have as much time as needed. We held her hand and talked with her and felt her in our presence. It was almost as if she was sitting right there talking back with us. I had felt peace but nothing like this, just knowing she was right there with me telling me she was in a perfect place sitting on our Heavenly Fathers lap. We also had Kenna come in and take pictures of us holding her hands and her tiny fat feet.Those chubby things are something I never want to forget. (THANK YOU) I know that was not easy for her because she is one of my dearest friends and knows the heartache that I am going through but I am so thankful for her talents and I know she will preserve them well for me.

As I watched Layne with our sweet baby girl I couldn't help but think how he is going to be forever changed. I know it was going to be for the better and I know our committment to live with our daughter again was stronger then ever before, we will do everything in our power to do everything that is asked of us, BIG or small. Knowing that we have been sealed for time and all eternity is the biggest blessing that has ever been given. Now it is our responsibility and free will that will get us right back to Baby Jayci's loving embrace. I know with out any doubt that families can be together forever. We have been blessed with having the ability to be a Mother and a Father on this earth to one of Heavenly Fathers most perfect and precious children. I am grateful for the knowledge that this is all part of the plan and that Layne and I have been deemed worthy to have a daughter that was so perfect that she was able to go directly to the Celestial Kingdom.

I need to explain the clothes that we choose to bury Jayci in. Many of you have read through my blog and have figured out that she is a WILD CHILD, sitting still was not an option and playing outside is what she did best. So when Layne's Aunt came over and asked if we wanted to order a fancy dress from "One Small Child". I had gotten online and looked and asked Layne what he thought. We both decided that burying her in her Easter Dress was the only way to go. For some STRANGE reason I bought her a "white" dress with big bright flowers on it. I felt it was very fitting for her at the time and was so grateful that we took the time to buy both of our girls Easter Dresses. A few weeks after we bought them I let them wear them to church. And wouldn't you know it the frilly white sweater I bought to go with the dress were stained something awful. As soon as I set that little girl down she was on a dead run to the grass and the sandbox. Of course she climbed right in the sand box and started digging and then played with Pete the cat and Tank (our St Bernard), after that she went in and ate with her dress on and we all know how that went. So we found burying her in her dress was very fitting for her. There was a reason I bought it and I wish you all would of been able to notice the stains on her sleeves. To me they were priceless. (Back to dressing her)

After about fourty-five minutes Amy came back in to help us get her dressed. Now as I was trying to get everything put on she put up a big fight just as if she was right there with us. We first started with the onesie. It was an 18 months and figure it would fit. HA. That kid grew and gained so much weight in the last few weeks that she was moving so fast I never even noticed. We had to stretch that puppy up over her shoulders and stretch at the bottom to get it buttoned up. We giggled and laughed about how chubby she had gotten. So the next thing to go on were her tights. Now I know I had just put them on her the previous Sunday to go to church and I know they were pretty big on her. Well, not today. The crotch of them hung clear down to her knees. Again we were stretching and pulling as much as we could to get them to a normal spot with out tearing them. Let me tell ya it was a CHORE...But what I loved most about this part was her chubs hanging over her tights. It was still the cutest thing I had ever seen. So then it was time for the Dress, mind you it was 24 months and I thought she was just barely fitting into that size. Guess again. I pulled that dress up and wouldn't you know it I couldn't even get the back buttoned up. So she had her back open and we just left it like that. I was not even going to try and stretch that out. Of course Layne was holding her up the whole time as I was finagling all these cloths on her. So he held her up again so Amy and I could get her perfectly cute stained sweater on. That she didn't put up a fight on because she loved to have a jacket on at all times. If she saw me put my shoes on she was on a dead run to her room to get a coat so we could go "BY". Next it was the bottoms and Layne and I both put those on and pulled them up. They kinda hung down in the crotch because again the tights.... So last it was those dangdable shoes. I had just bought them for her to go with her Easter dress, and do you think I could get them on her. I THINK NOT!!! I literally was PRYING them on her feet. Squeezing with all my might and practically pounding them on. And FINALLY got them on. Oh she is a Beast. I know she was up in heaven laughing hysterically because she was getting in her last battle with Mom and Dad.

So she was finally dressed and looked like an angel. She was almost completely done but we had to do something with that hair. Seriously it was so pretty and flowing above her head. NO AND NOT that is not her. It was always ratty and perfectly messy. I tried to comb it and do it nicely but she would never have it. She pulled every bow out and tried to pull ever rubber band out. When I would do her hair I would sit her in the sink and give her the toothpaste so she could eat it and it kept her occupied while I tried to tame that hair of hers. So we sat back and looked at her and realized that this was not going to do. So I WENT TO TOWN RATTING AND RATTING. I tried to pull it down by her face and rat and rat some more. I would look up at layne and ask how about this? and he would say nope not yet. Of course we were laughing the whole time but after 2o min of ratting I think we finally had the messy ratty look we were going for. Now for the flower. Jayci absolutely with out a doubt HATED having anything in her hair EXSPEICALLY a bow. I finally gave up when she was a year old because by the time we had made it to the car it had been thrown on the ground, and when I would open the van door she would just look up at me with that cheese smile that read. "yep I got it out now what are you going to do about it." I would always thump her on the head and laugh and say "FINE you win." OH she was always so dang proud of her self. So when we layed her to rest I WAS GOING TO GET THE LAST LAUGH and make her have a flower in. So while we tried to put it in, we could not get it to stay. WE TRIED EVERYTHING. Finally we had to take the flower apart and put the lights ones on possible. It took us forever to get that stinkin thing bobbypinned in but we did it and she looked perfect. Messy hair, Bright Dress and a smirk on her face that would melt anyones heart.

After she was all done Layne said the only thing he really wanted was a lock of her hair. This turned out to be the biggest pain because of course she was laying on her back and I coudln't get a good enought grip or anything tied off so Amy asked Layne to pick her up and he took her over to the chair and snuggled her while I tried to get a chunk of hair. After 5 minutes of trying to tie a piece off I finally cut the biggest chunk out of the back of her head. It was that piece that always had a rat and with ALL SEVEN of her hair cuts we couldn't get. But in that last hour I finally succeeded and I now Have it in her box with her hands and her feet molds. We haven't even looked at those molds since we got them but I am so grateful to have them. I was so grateful for the Rasmussens and their love that was shown towards my daughter.

While Layne was sitting there holding Jayci, Amy left us alone and let us have as much time as we wanted holding her. I know it was one of those moments in my life I will never forget. Watching my husband cuddle our little girl one last time on this earth. It was a moment where their souls joined together and I know she was whispering in his ear how much she loved him and will miss him until they meet again. I know she told him to do his best so we could be together as a family once again. I watched as my husband stuck his face in her chest and sobbed and ached to have his little girl back and also knowing he was so grateful to have her in his arms because we could still be looking for her this day. After he was done for the time being her asked if I wanted to hold her I of course laughed and said Yes... Well what I didn't know was that she was going to be sooo heavy. I know that through the process things are done to preserve her body but it was actually hard for me. I loved that little girl and could pack her under one arm anywhere we went. I know she was there with me I could feel her wrapping her arms around me as she always did. I know she was smiling and saying take care of my sister and my Dad, be tough for them because they are going to need you through this time. I felt her opened mouth kiss on my cheek one last time and we just sat in silence. Layne had to help me hold her because I was to weak to keep her head up. I just sat and remember all the times my little girl would sit on my lap for a period of time and let me snuggle her. It was very often but for never long periods of time. So for me to hold her this way it was a rare occasion. When I was done holding her and have my time her Daddy wanted her back one last time and he kissed her and told her how proud he was of her and how much he loved her. Then it was time to lay her back down and cover her up. We both kissed her goodbye and told her we loved her and told her to be good for Jeff and Nick because they were being so kind to her.

So we walked out of the funeral home hand in hand with tears streaming down our faces. Oh how we are going to miss our sweet baby Jayci.

A quote I put on facebook: This afternoon I got to hold Jayci. It definatley wasn't the same as packing her under one arm and trying to keep Ellie moving. But it was sweet. She put up a good fight to get her shoes on and hair done but in the end I won. She looks absolutely like herself. I love that little girl more then words can say. She is an Angel!