Ellie's Halloween Costume

Ellie has been asking to be Rapunzel since last years Halloween. My child never forgets and when she decides something that is what she is going to do. Thank to Grandma Lillian for making Ellie's costume. I think it's beautiful and can't wait to see it all put together!

Ellie's favorite thing to say is "My wig even goes past my BUTT!"

Shopping with Grandma

My Mom called and said she was headed to Boise for the weekend so Ellie and I decided to make a mad dash and spend the day with her and do a little shopping. I loved spending the day with her and just visiting. I got super sick with a migraine but it all worked out. Mom bought Ellie her presents and spoiled her rotten! Thanks for the night out Mom. I love you so much!

Harvest

I love this picture of Ellie and Layne... But it just feels like someone is MISSING! I sure hope by this time next year... It won't look one sided.... I pray in time we'll be blessed with another bundle of joy! But until then, I'm enjoying my family just the way it is!

On Friday I told Kenna that I'd watch Kendrie for her while she took her kids to the pumpkin patch for school! But I have to admit that my nerves probably weren't the best to watch her at the house screaming with Ellie all afternoon (We all know they have a very serious LOVE/HATE relationship) So I packed them up and took Layne out some lunch. I needed to get potatoes for my Mom so it was a perfect afternoon to go! The girls ran and ran and played and got dirty. They threw dirt at each other, climbed all over the equipment and rode in the back of Layne's pickup. It was a perfect outing.

A few quotes from the day that made me laugh...

Kendrie as soon as she got in the tractor to ride with Layne... "MY BORVER LOVES TRACTOOOS."

Ellie and Kendrie sang "I Love aaa aaa aaa apples and banana's..." I seriously cried I was laughing so hard. They were singing it in all sorts of different tones over and over. HILARIOUS.

Our conversation on the way home. Kendrie "where we goin?" I told her were going to take her to her Mom at the lot because I have to go to the game. She said "No I want to stay with you forever." Ellie pipes in with, "why all she does is make you clean."

Don't think for 2 seconds that my husband was not in heaven! He loved being loved on by these two cute girls!!!

Forever and Always!

Dear Jayci,

Six months. I never thought I would be sitting here at 9:30 at night discussing what you'd be like right now with your Dad. what we are missing about you. Sharing our favorite things about you. Wondering what you would be like today? Would you be talking or would you be a smart-alic like your Dad.

The Questions could go on for hours, but what I'd really like to know is if your happy in Heaven? Do you know that we pray for you and love you more with each passing minute? Do you know your sister misses you like crazy? Are you giving Heavenly Father a run for his money? Does Marcine still say "Oh my Garsh!" If not you aren't being obnoxious enough for her...

Dad and I were just talking about the last 3-4 months that you were alive you would always hold your bottle in one hand and wave at us with the other when ever we put you down for bed whether it was for a nap or bed time it never failed. I can picture you doing it right now. With those big, beautiful brown eyes smiling up at me. We were talking about after bath time when you would raise your arms above your head and run naked like a wild woman with your sister. Just so you know Ellie still does it. It brings a smile to my face every time because I always think of you two doing it together. Dad was laughing about how you would say "KIIII" for kitty and how you would moo at everything.

A week ago we helped Ellie hang the window Halloween clings around your hand prints because I can't stand the thought of cleaning them off. I laughed about your cute little bum climbing the wooden stool to see your Dad out the window. You pounded on it as hard as you could and yelled for his attention. I'll never forget your "Yell" when you wanted something. This weekend I went shopping with Grandma in Boise and the tears just fell as I looked at the the fun things I could of bought you for Christmas and your birthday! Speaking of birthday. I'm hoping to have your headstone up for your Birthday. We are working on and pray that it gets finished. It's the last physical thing I can do just for you on this earth. It's going to be beautiful.

Jayci, I just hope you know how much I have grown as a person. I am more aware of what I want out of life now more than ever before. You have made me see the importance of service and love towards others. I pray that you continue watching out for us and the rest of your family. Especially your big sister. She misses you more than anyone will ever know and probably more than she knows.

You have touched the lives of so many and will always be apart of us. You are ONE IN A MILLION!!!!

I love you forever and always.
Mom

Our Angel Baby "Jayci Lillian"

One of my dearest friends Kenna has been working on this sweet little sketch for me. It is the final draft of the picture we are putting on Jayci's Headstone. Posting this picture is very bitter sweet. It is one of the very last things I am able to give my baby girl. I am able to give her a headstone that tells her story for years to come. What it looks like will be a surprise but I wanted to share this beautiful picture of her. I cannot thank Kenna enough for all the time she has devoted to making it just right.

A poem given to me from a dear friend who also has an angel baby waiting for her.

I am a Child of God
And though I am with him today,
Remember family
I'll be with you through all eternity.
Thank you for
leading me,
guiding me,
walking beside me,
Loving me through my short stay,
Teaching me all that I had to do
To be with him today.

I love that and read it often. It sure doesn't make life any easier but truly is a reminder that I always need to be doing my part to be with them someday!

What I've learned in 6 months....

1. Who the H$!@ cares...
2. Love one another.
3. Serve others.
4. Share your testimony when ever you can. You never know who is truly listening.
5. I have an eternal family.
6. Angels are among us.
7. I have the most AMAZING FRIENDS ON THE PLANET!!!
8. I am stronger than I think.
9. Practice what you preach.
10. Be Christ like.
11. Attitude is Gratitude.
12. Pray with Faith.
13. Family and individual prayer keeps the spirit in your home.
14. CHERISH EVERY MOMENT!
15. I am not a perfect Mom and never will be. But I work on it everyday!
16. PATIENCE!!!!!!
17. A phone call goes a long ways!
18. Making Christ part of your Marriage makes it stronger!
19. Count your blessings.
20. Be Thankful!
21. This life is meant to make memories.
22. Blogging (Keeping a Journal.) has made it possible that I will always remember every single memory I have with my little Jayci.
23. My husband loves me and my girls above all else.
24. Idle hands bring on my worst days.
25. I am a cherished DAUGHTER OF GOD.... He knows me. He loves me. He knows what is best for me. He knows my aches and pains. He has felt my broken heart. He answers my prayers on HIS time. He comforts me when I need comfort. He has given me the strength to overcome every mothers worst fear. He gives me strength to go on day in and day out. One foot in front of the other. One minute at a time.

Just to name a few!

Primary Program 2011

(A quick photo shoot before church)

When did she become my little lady and not my baby anymore?!

Today was Ellie's primary program. My little Ellie is really struggling in primary right now. She hates going to class and will not do anything unless she wants to. I feel as though she is really struggling with her teacher and doesn't want to go to her class. If you know my Ellie you'd know she loves primary and I would say lately she is my one that is struggling. She is lashing out in anger and really has me worried. I know that she is trying to figure things out and it kills me because I don't know what to do. We are going to go to counseling and pray that it helps her talk things through.

I do have to say that she is a little OCD when it comes to worrying and making sure things are perfect. She has been saying her part and has had it memorized for 3 weeks now. She says it all the time. It's actually kinda cute how she wants peoples approval. She is at a stage in life where she worries what others think. (Not kids, adults.) And wants to always have mine and Layne's approval. To the point that she wanted makeup on her owiee on her face so it didn't stand out. (I KNOW I"M IN TROUBLE.) With all that aside she did amazing and smiled so pretty for her Mom, Dad, and Family. (except when she was elbowing her friend Rigdon and making faces.)

Her part: The scripture teach of Heavenly Father's Plan.

Watching Ellie was a little bitter sweet for Layne and I. Mainly because we should of been fighting off a 22 month old little girl trying to get to her sister. I felt a little lost watching her today. Wondering how I got where I am today?! I wonder if I will ever know "WHY"?

Therapy!

A week ago Saturday Layne and (my sister's boyfriend) Matt went to the dunes with Jordan. I have been patiently waiting for my sweet husband to go riding. It has always been his "therapy." I can always tell when ever things don't go Layne's way or he is having a rough week or bad day. As soon as he gets home from work he gets on his motorcycle. Since Brad left on his mission they have been few and far between. And even WORSE since Jayci's accident. It felt like so many things were going wrong that he didn't even have the desire to go for a ride. I was SOOO HAPPY when he went last week. He was a new guy when he got home. I was so happy for him to finally get out and go. When Braddy gets home in December I know there will be a lot more riding trips and I'm looking forward to them for him. We all need a little therapy once in awhile. I just always pray he is safe when he goes.

Have you ever seen a Princess Ghost?

This picture was given to me by a good friend of mine after Jayci passed away. She saw this picture when she had miscarried her first baby and was reminded of it again after Jayci had passed. She talked about the pictures resemblance to Jayci. She talked about Christ and the ache on his face. I love this picture because of this very reason. I see it as him holding her and crying for us as he knows what we feel. It's comforting to know that she is perfect and with our Father in Heaven but aches just the same. I hope someday........... I will feel peace and not so much ache.

Wrestling With Daddy

Just missing one little Girl! She loved to wreste with her Daddy! Little miss Jayci would laugh and laugh and squeal and scream wrestling with her Dad! I'd say it probably was one of his favorite things to do wrestle with both his girls!

Mom's Big Helper.... Hired House Cleaner!

I do not know how working Mom's do it. How they can cook, clean, keep the house in order and run their kids. It's a hard task to get it all done. So I have bribed Ellie into helping me. I have had a chore chart set up since the beginning of the summer. If she did something with out throwing a fit or by just being nice she could get a sticker. When it is full she gets the Rapunzel Wii game. I forget about it and it's only been filled up about half way. So I have gotten really desperate and told her she could have a sticker for every chore she has helped me with. She is down to only getting 4 more stars but her help has been completely worth it.

While she was helping me mop tonight she asked if this is what chores are like. And of course I said yep and told her that these are the things that she has to help me with all the time once she starts kindergarten because that is what big girls do. Oh the look on her face was priceless!

A Napping House, A Tired House. Where everyone is sleeping.

Saturday I didn't have to work all do say I went and rode with Layne in the Digger. (I haven't got to do that since harvest started because I'm also working harvest. I really enjoyed it.) After a while I went and picked up Ellie from the Osterhout's and took her to town for a "girls day." We went to Dolphin Tale (Excellent Movie), Wendy's, Kiwi Loco, and then grocery shopping at Walmart. When we got home Layne was home waiting for us. Around 8:30 pmish we heard what sounded like a truck blowing a tire. Not even 3 minutes later we heard the most awful crushing sound and then a boom. The whole accident lasted a total of 3 seconds. I flew out the door and saw flames flying out the truck which in turn hit the house across the street. It was awful. I called 911 and Layne ran over there to see what he could do to help. To make a long story short it was an AWFUL accident that ended up taking two peoples lives. They were out cleaning up till after mid-night and back at it at 6ish the next morning. Let's just say I did not sleep. I was sick. I was up all night worrying about the family because I know exactly how they are feeling. The fact that there lives will never be the same. The regrets. The worry. And the sorrow. I still feel so awful for them just thinking about it. I know our stories are very different but it doesn't mean the ache is any less.
Around 11:30 Layne came in the house and suggested we have a prayer because I had a very sleepy little girl who could not go to sleep because she was so upset from the accident and running out and seeing the fire and the lady crying out in pain. (which she wasn't hurt she was just in shock.) When we knelled down to say our prayer I told Ellie she could stay on the couch but lay her head down. When Layne was finished with the prayer we sat up and looked at Ellie. The kid had fallen sound asleep and didn't even move a muscle. It was so cute. I got a really good laugh and wanted to take a picture but didn't want to wake her.
So to say the least after working over 14 hours 6 days in a row, plus needing to work at 6 in the am the next day, my hubby was tired.

These pictures are of Layne and Ellie taking a rest Sunday afternoon! Layne is one of those guys that can fall asleep anywhere and be out. Ellie is one of those kids that hasn't napped since she was 1 1/2 years old. So for her to lay her self down for a "rest" (heaven knows she won't fall asleep) you know I have a tired family. But for this Mom, I couldn't rest I had alot on my mind and even more laundry to do since I worked all week!

And just for good measure Kenna found this picture in her files of pictures and sent this picture to me of my sleeping angel Jayci. She was about 4 1/2 months old in this picture and miraculously took a nap for Kenna while she was watching her. I know when this picture was taken I'm sure Kenna threatened the other kids with their lives to not wake her because she was kind of a pain unless she was around her Mom. Pretty sweet if I do say so myself. I love this picture because it captures all of my favorite features of her. Her lips, crooked jaw, hair and those long eye lashes. Not to mention she sleeps just like her Daddy! We sure miss that little stink. She is heavy on our hearts these days as her birthday is approaching. I still don't know how I am ever going to make it through that day!