That night as I cuddled with Ellie on the couch clutching her with all my might. I was a broken Mom. I was empty and hurting and just flat out pissed off at the world. I kept asking myself "why did it have to be this way? Why my little beast who was so full of joy and had a perfect love for life?" I wanted to be mad at someone but there was no one to be mad at. I knew it was suppose to be but I didn't know why? I tried to lay down but was physically sick I had to keep upright. I would doze off for two seconds and I was freezing. Freezing with the thought of knowing that my beautiful baby girl was in that frigid cold water and I knew she was just cold. I cried and layed in the burning hot tub just trying to keep warm. If I was warm then I prayed that she would be warm also. I went back and forth from throwing my guts up to laying in thetub just very unsettled. I wanted my baby girl back. I knew that she was in Heavenly Fathers arms but I just wanted her perfect body back. I knew that the search was starting back up at 9:30 a.m. I watched the clock 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. I just coudln't take it anymore. I got out of bed, got dressed and moved outside to watch the sunset. Layne had started to get up and get going around 7 and Ellie was wide awake ready to go find her sister. As I sat outside I heard the phone ringat 7:30 a.m. that exact time Layne's cell phone was ringing too. I came into to answer it and all I could hear Kari say was "We found her!" My heart dropped but at the same time wept with joy. I was so grateful to have her sweet body back. I remember asking her a few questions and I just remember her saying Greg put on his waiters and walked along the rive and found her with in half and hour of looking. Within mintues Val and Teresa were at our door to take us over and Aunt Darla was here to take Ellie so we could get a few things figured out. We were on our way to see our precious little girl.
I added the picture of the sunset because it was the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen over the river that night and the most beautiful sun rise. I will never look at sunsets or sunrises again. I look forward to them on a daily basis. A simple reminder of My Beautiful Bright eyed Baby girl! How I yearn to have her in my arms just one more time.
4 comments:
You don't know me, but I went to school with your sister, Kayla. I just want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. You are such a strong person, and I admire that so much. I don't think I could be as strong as you. You are an inspiration! I think of your family every day now, and it has taught me to appreciate every moment with my baby girl that much more! I appreciate you sharing your story.
You don't know me either, but we have a mutual friend and heard about the accident. I am truly sorry! You are an inspiration to all that read your post. Here is a link to a blog of a distant relative that lost there baby girl to water as well. Maybe you can find some comfort from her. http://patrickandashley.blogspot.com/
we will pray for you and your family!
Layne and Krissy,
You are doing what needs to be done right now.....just getting through. I am so glad you are writing things down. The Holy Ghost is opening your mind and memory to beautiful thoughts and reflections of this darling baby girl who brought so much joy and love to your life. Listen to the whisperings. Write down everything that pops into your mind because these memories are precious and will forever keep sweet Jayci's short but cherished life written in your heart. Hugs, Jana
You don't know me either, but your sweet little family has touched my life so much. I was watching a friends 3 little girls Friday 22nd. When they came to get them they told me that your sweet little angel was lost, and thought to be ion the water. I know Osterhouts and so I had a picture in my head of where your family was.
I could not sleep at all and just cried and cried all night. I think anyone that has loved a child hurts for your Family. It's comforting knowing were she is and that she can be yours forever, but that doesn't take all the pains of today away. Your sweet little Family has been a constant part of my life since that day. My daughter decided to see if you had a blog. When she say your sweet family she said Mom, I know Layne, he is the nicest man. Layne came into Farmers Corner when she worked there. Megan was told to cut the head off a deer that someone brought in and knew she couldn't do it. Your sweet Layne could see this in the poor girls face and he said I can do that. What a wonderful Man.
Your Family will continue to be in our prayers. We pray that the comforter will continue to be with you. Love Alta
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